A good life comes all shades of color and in all shapes of form

Driving down a hillside road, at a stop light, I see an old couple standing by waiting for the traffic light to change. It is cold and windy out there. The man’s white hair is scattered on his forehead. The woman is slightly slouched, with a walker. I find myself thinking to myself with the admiration: “What a beautiful thing it is to ‘grow old together’….” My admiration turns into a slight disappointment. Here I am, a single mother, with a dream of ‘growing old together’ gone with the wind…

However, it is a beautiful morning indeed. The sun, and blue sky and the scattered white puffy clouds… There are people cycling and running. There is a mid aged woman jogging on the trail dressing in pink and black. I find myself saying with the awe and a total conviction:” How beautiful it is to grow old gracefully and happily by one self.” I smile thinking how we have conditioned to think what a good life should be…

Now, my mind starts to play a fun game: “How beautiful it is for people to crate a mixed family and grow old together….” “How beautiful it is for a couple to decide never to have children and just grow old with each other…” “How beautiful a man and a woman walk into each other’s life sharing the moment and waving good bye…” “How beautiful it is to be surrounded by a group of like minded single friends and grow old laughing….” Everywhere I ‘go’, I ’see’ the beauty of life in all shades of color and in all shapes of form….

Good life is whatever we make of it, is whatever we believe is true. For years, I grieved the loss of my ‘original’ family, believed it is the only beautiful thing for a family, and it is the only good environment for my children. Holding on to that belief have taken a toll on me, emotionally. I could not see other possibilities for a family and for my children. Living inside the box as such, I have spend more time grieving what have gone rather than expecting what will be unfolding…. All the while, the beauty of life is presenting itself to me but I let her passing me by not believing…

Divorce is like the death and birth of a life, the going and coming of a season, the setting and rising of the Sun…. Joseph Campbell said: “You must let go the life you have planned so to live the life that is waiting for you.” If we parents can look towards the light where we are going, not look back into the darkness where we have been… Our children can not help but to see the beauty of life in the mist of differences and challenges.